Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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