I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the condom got lost in my hair
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
