I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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