I just gift wrapped bread.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
