Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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