Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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