His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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