The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
