Did you just see the Batmobile???
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry about my life...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
