..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
