I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
