hotel room ftw
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he fucked my hip out of place.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
