the condom got lost in my hair
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But theres a keg here and me gusta
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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