Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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