I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
