Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
