HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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