I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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