So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
