She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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