What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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