Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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