you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
