I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
