I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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