I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
