hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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