Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
