I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
