Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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