And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
