explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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