shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
