My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
