Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
