i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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