Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
babies were throwing up all over the place
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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