So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
