If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
