fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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