Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
