2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
