Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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