No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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