I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
