My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
