I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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