he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
