dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
