So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
