I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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