I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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