Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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